Disclaimer: these stories are a work of fiction.
The powerful Spark-Demeer quantum tunneling effect was so elusive and so intermittent that many believed it didn’t exist at all. It certainly wasn’t reproducible, which was crucial for it to be considered confirmed as a scientific theory.
Then a monumental discovery was made, which changed the course of history.
A couple of graduate students got rather bored late one night running yet another fruitless experiment for their professor and took a break for some extracurricular fun… and the experiment lit up like a Christmas tree. The quantum tunneling effect readings went off the scale.
The students were not inclined to reveal this particular experimental result, but unfortunately for them, the experiment had been wired for full audiovisual recording.
An audio recording which quite clearly captured the sounds of their passion… and how the readings followed in perfect synchronicity.
Yes, as it turned out, the Spark-Demeer effect channeled energy released during orgasm.
And the reason that it had been seen so intermittently was because few people had been having orgasms near physics laboratories!
Thus a new physics was born.
The dream of faster than light interstellar travel was finally realized.
A new Empire spread across a thousand stars.
All powered by orgasms.
By the Orgasm Drive.
At the periphery of the Empire, there were always small rebellions and minor uprisings, hardly worth noticing. The bureaucracy of the Empire was sometimes slow to respond, but sooner or later the Imperial Fleet would eventually arrive with overwhelming force and destroy the rebels.
Then the course of history changed again.
In an insignificant star system at the far edge of the Empire the arrival of the Imperial battleship somehow failed to demolish the latest minor rebellion.
The battleship was defeated instead.
Such news should have reverberated across the Empire, but the elite were too busy enjoying the wealth of a thousand worlds to pay attention.
The single star system in rebellion became two, then three.
While the elite were partying, the military was embarrassed. A large battle fleet was assembled and dispatched.
And also defeated.
The rebellion spread to ten star systems… then twenty… then fifty.
A vague feeling of unease began to trouble the Empire’s elite. After all, fifty star systems was five percent of the Empire. Five percent of star systems that were no longer paying tribute. Five percent of revenue lost.
Not good.
The entire Imperial Fleet was mobilized. Overwhelming force assembled. No quarter was to be given. Star systems in rebellion were to be razed and the fleet was ordered to defeat the rebellion as quickly and efficiently as possible.
And the Imperial Fleet was fought to a standstill.
The rebel starships, many which were warships captured from the Empire, were faster, more agile, able to dart in close, deliver a crushing blow, and dart off again before the Imperial warships could respond.
Which was impossible.
Physically impossible.
That simply wasn’t how the Orgasm Drive worked.
You needed enough orgasms to power the drive: the larger the starship, the more orgasms that were needed. A small starship only needed one, while the largest, most massive Star Destroyers in the fleet required sixty.
But powering a starship with more orgasms once you had enough didn’t make a difference. The starship didn’t go any faster.
Yet the rebel starships did. Somehow.
Daring espionage revealed the truth.
Yes, it was true that the quantity of orgasms didn’t make a difference.
But the quality of the orgasms did.
The more amazing, the more mindblowing, the more intense the orgasm… the faster the drive, the more powerful and agile the ship.
The rebel alliance was simply better at orgasms than the Empire was.
The Empire threw its entire industrial might behind completing its ultimate weapon.
The Death Star, the size of a small moon.
Powered by a thousand orgasms.
Special protective gear – high isolation ear plugs and advanced noise canceling earphones – was required to work in the central Orgasm Chamber. The sound of a thousand simultaneous orgasms was otherwise sufficient to make a person sex crazed, permanently insane.
With new star systems falling to the rebels daily, the Death Star majestically sailed forth with unimaginable power.
And was destroyed.
Destroyed by a single star fighter.
Powered by an exceptional team, an especially talented orgasmist and an especially lusty orgasmineer.
“One more Leia!”
“I… I… I'm not sure… I don't think I can...”
“You have to! You’re our only hope!”
She did. And the rebels were saved.
If this were a story, the Empire would be purely evil and the plucky rebels purely good.
And certainly among the worlds of the Empire many a young woman masturbated to a thrilling fantasy of being abducted by the rebels… subjected helplessly to skillful orgasms… over and over and over again…
The reality was more harsh.
There were, of course, good people among the rebels, as there were good people among the Empire.
Yet the most rapacious had quickly come to the fore.
The rebel fleet would sail into the next star system and demand surrender.
Any world that failed to surrender would have its people massacred without mercy.
A world which did surrender would be plundered and its people sold into slavery.
And then the rebel would sail on to the star system, and repeat its demand.
Star systems began to surrender without a fight.
The Empire faced total defeat.
As the Imperial Fleet fought a hard, slow retreat star system by star system, the Empire devoted all other resources to one last, desperate plan.
To develop its own art and science of the skillful orgasm.
While the rebels had honed their technique over the years of war, the Empire had yet one remaining advantage: the heart of the Empire was still planet Earth, Sol system, in the Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way Galaxy.
Home to the ancient arts of the kama sutra. Centuries of exploration of ten thousand kinks and fetishes. Even the Internet, the sum total of humanity’s sexual wisdom and fantasies, home to the legendary subreddits of BDSMerotica and dirtypenpals, had been birthed on Earth!
And so a research program was launched of a magnitude never seen before.
To explore every possible avenue.
Where every citizen not already directly engaged in the war effort was drafted.
Kinks. Fetishes. Erotic hypnosis. Brain biofeedback monitoring. Ancient arts. Modern arts. Everything.
The results measured and cataloged, proficiency tests and training programs developed.
All to create the new Orgasm Corps.
The rebels were fought to a standstill.
The most rapacious of the rebel leaders, deprived of their flow of plunder and slaves to sell, lost power.
Eventually, slowly, peace talks were held.
Many mistakes had been made on both sides.
The Empire, while providing a legitimate policing role to suppress bandits and criminals, had been both far too harsh and far too neglectful of the peripheral worlds.
And the rebels, for all the legitimacy of their own complaints against their treatment by the Empire, had slid far too quickly into outright thievery, massacres, and war crimes.
The worst on both sides were fairly and evenhandedly punished.
After the civil war the Empire Alliance retained the name of the Empire for the nostalgia of many of its inhabitants, but became a federated alliance of sovereign star systems.
Today the Orgasm Corps stand ready.
We train hard.
We train every day.
Constantly experimenting, exploring, measuring, testing, improving our technique.
With total focus and dedication to the art of the extraordinary orgasm.
The citizens of the Empire Alliance enjoy the wealth and bounty of peace. Expanding into new star systems, developing new worlds, exploring new frontiers.
And we hope that we’ve never needed.
But, if perhaps someday we might encounter a hostile alien race, or if bandits gain a foothold, or if a star system might fall into totalitarianism and embark on military conquest…
We’re prepared.
...not to mention we’re also popular at parties!
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