Women on average score higher in the Big Five personality trait of agreeableness.
Averages however don’t apply to individuals.
Anyone can be low in agreeableness.
And all personality traits can be described in negative or positive terms.
We can describe “low in agreeableness” in negative ways: “stubborn”, “argumentative”, “unhelpful”… and some even go so far as to characterize as “uncaring”, “manipulative”, “unpleasant”, “rude”…
Even the choice of the word “agreeableness” makes high agreeableness sound “better” than low agreeableness.
Yet we can also describe the same personality trait in positive terms: “forthright”, “persistent”, “independent”, “candid”, “competitive”.
And while someone high in agreeableness may have eagerly learned skills such as how to be pleasant while someone low in agreeableness may have never bothered to learn how to be pleasant, that doesn’t mean you can’t be pleasant while also being forthright, persistent, and so on.
If the kind of person you want to date typically likes people high in agreeableness, a common question is should you then try to change or mask your personality?
No, that would be foolish.
You might benefit from learning skills that you haven’t learned, such as how to be pleasant if you’ve never learned how to be pleasant. That can help with dating.
But even if you manage to mask your personality, all you’ll end up doing is getting together with someone who wanted someone else, the person you were pretending to be.
And while perhaps many people might like someone that has a different personality than you do, that’s not everyone. There are those who like women who like to win, who are independent, who are persistent, who are forthright, and so on.
And remember you have an advantage in dating.
Someone else who wanted to do something, such as say going sky diving, might perhaps sit around saying, “Oh, I’d like to go sky diving. I hope someone takes me sky diving some day.” But that’s not you.
At some point going sky diving rises to the top of your priority list, or to the top of your wish list, and then you go sky diving. You make it happen. You’re not sitting around wishing that sky diving would show up in your life.
Likewise, it might take more work to find someone who likes your personality type, who’s a good match for you. You might need to go on more dates, for example. Yet you’re someone who can make that happen.
Similarly, if you might perhaps also have a fetish desire for submission, anyone of any personality trait can have any fetish desire. You might not be at all naturally submissive, yet still have a fetish desire for submission.
Would that be a disadvantage? Well, it depends. Some people with a fetish desire for domination do like the naturally submissive, submission which is easy and takes no effort.
Others like dominating a partner with a strong personality, and aren’t looking for someone who is naturally submissive.
For example, I like to take my partner on a journey, to create a change from non-submissive to surrender. The less submissive someone is, the more fun the journey, the greater the change, the greater the challenge.
And again it might take more effort to find someone who desires someone with your personality, yet your advantage is that you can make that happen.
You can use the advantages of your personality to be forthright about what you’re looking for, to be persistent in seeking the right partner, to win at fulfilling your fetish desire.
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